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Ever wonder about something and not been able to find an answer? Then BEHOLD! All your tidbits of fluff (unanswered questions you cannot let go of...) can be solved here! Duncan will search high and low for answer to your question. Send it in, and he might pick your question to be answered! E-mail him here!
-A question from Stacie
I have often wondered this. So I decided to experiment. I simply got my video camera and put in in the fridge with the help of Stacie (light was on of course). I shut the door and waited for about ten minutes to insure it wasn't timed to shut off either. Well, when I put that video I was shocked. Not only did that light NOT go off, I had proof of Underwear Gnomes! These pesky creatures lurk in every house. They are responsible for all those lost left socks, misplaced keys, and yes folks, MISSING UNDERWEAR! (Maybe you saw the special on these creatures on SouthPark??) Apparently, they live in the fridge, eating your last pieces of cake you saved or the drinking the last Diet Coke. Although I am not sure, I believe they also cause mold to grow on the cheese you keep in there. I think they live in the wall of the fridge. Oddly enough, my tape ws missing the next day, so alas, I have no proof. If want to get rid of them, you might simply destroy your fridge, but then you wouldn't have a fridge to freeze your pina coladas in.
This is an accurate, detailed rendering of the vicious little buggers.
A question from Luckerina the Ballerina
Okay folks, so I was watching the Wizard of Oz and I was like "Whoa, there's another road...where the hell does that one go?" So I went to investigate. I used my TV transportation device which I call the Astonishing Dauntless Dematerializer (A.D.D) to put myself, GASP, inside the movie! After I knocking down a few muchkins I pursued my quest. I walked. And walked. And walked some more. Then a peculiar smell came about.
I ran down the red brick road to find something absolutely amazing! THE PEEP WORLD!!!! Peeps are those little marshmallow bunnies and chicks you get in your basket at Easter. THEY ARE ALIVE! AND ARE VERY EVIL! They tried to kill me, those little %!*%#@$%! So, I quickly left and came home. So, my advice to you is not follow the red brick road. And, do me a favor. Put all peeps you receive in the microwave and watch them have dance...
hi duncan! i just visited your website and i must say i am your BIGGEST fan!! And i have a question that has been keeping me puzzled for quite some time now ... what I want to know is ... how do those lights on the Christmas trees keep flashing? i have looked at the plug and no one seems to be turning them off and on... i am just so confused! Help!
Sincerely, Bewildered in Birmingham
Well, hi Bewildered! Seeing as it the holiday season I set out immediately to answer this question. You cannot merely LOOK at those plugs to see who is turning them on and off! SLAP the spot! You should feel your common Tree Gnome. He lives right there turning off and on those lights! He comes fully assembled in the light box, so don't worry about having to find one. A mischievious gnome migt even knock your tree over or coax the cat to climb it. Just kick around until you hit something to discipline it. Happy hunting!
A question from Alex B
Santa Clause, Alex? I think we all know you probably mean Santa Paws. Quite actually, I have met him. I was strolling about downtown near Callahan's Irish Pub. I was having a lovely time when Santa Paws walked in. I'm afraid to say what happened after that. You see, he was wearing that little hat with the poof-ball on the end. It was just dangling there...swaying...like a tennis ball...
Anyhoo, I kinda got confused. I came to my senses a few minutes later in a water fountain at Washington Square with his hat in my mouth. Santa Paws lay beside me, bedraggled. I had no idea what to do. You see, I am a good boy. I don't pee on carpets or hurt people. There was only one thing to do. I stole my owner's car and drove out into the country. Please remember I was very scared and not thinking clearly. But anyways, I pulled over and started to drag out Santa Paws, who was still mumbling something about reindeers and some grandma. I couldn't leave him, so I stayed around until the police came looking for the truck I took.
So, thats the truth. There was no duck-hunting accident. It was just a cover-up so I wouldn't go to the slammer. As for being of afraid of labrador retrievers, well,...you get the picture. Shhh....this is our little secret. Back Home